Thursday, April 12, 2012

Cut, suture, close.

When I started writing this blog, I was adamant that I wanted to do it for me. I never really anticipated having people actually read it, and it's been lovely to have met some real friends through this blog.


I haven't been doing this for me for a while now. I haven't been coming home bubbling over with stories to share, memories to record. Instead, I've been thinking to myself that I'm overdue to write something, and wondering if I can weave the few interesting snippets of my day into something worth reading. (And failing at even that.)

The truth is, this year I've finally understood all those wiser and more experienced than me who've been saying all this time that medicine is just another job. It's not that I didn't believe them, it's just that I always hoped that I'd be the exception, and carry on with my lovely rose-coloured glasses. (And I have failed at that, too.)

Oh, I think I'll be a reasonable doctor at the end of it all, and (like any other job), I expect it'll have its good days and bad, but that passion, that fire? It's burned out, right now (and really, so am I). I've been turning down opportunities I would have jumped out of bed in the middle of the night for a year ago, and I can hardly bring myself to care. And just to rub it in, I've been working with a lovely fellow student who seems to embody all the enthusiasm that I'm just not feeling right now.

It's taking all my effort just to show up, these days (though I am trying the 'fake it till you make it' approach as best I can), and so I'm cutting back on a few other things to focus on what's important. Mr Incisions. My friends. My felines. My study. My freaking alarm clock reminding me that I have to be at the hospital by 7am.

And this is one of those things. I'm winding up my blog. I'll archive my posts offline - maybe, someday, I'll return to writing, in one form or another, when I can find the joy again - but for here and now, this will be my last post.

I'd like to thank those of you who've read my blog, commented, emailed me, gotten to know me. You know who you are.

And I can't wrap up this account of this part of my journey without a dedication to those who've brought me here.

For Brittany, for her unimaginable strength.
For SG, for giving me hope that I might rediscover the joy someday.
For Iris, who gets it.
For Ruby, who keeps me real.

And most of all, for my extraordinary husband, who makes me better and brighter than I ever could have been without him.




- Sharp Incisions


  1. Sorry to see you go Sharp. Hope you re-discover some of the enthusiasm sometime soon, but it sounds like you're doing the right thing in taking care of yourself for the moment.

    Take care. Good luck. And best wishes.

  2. Sorry to hear that you're struggling with motivation and that you're closing down your blog. Know that we all have fluctuating levels of enthusiasm, and that there will be times again that you feel that excitement and spark. Exhaustion, which unfortunately is a common thing in medicine, makes it hard to feel that excitement, so it's good that you're taking time to focus on the things that are really important to you.

    All the best.

  3. Writing should be something that brings you joy and comfort. If it is becoming a chore then it is time to take a break.

    I have enjoyed sharing this window into your experiences and wish you only the best going forward.

  4. Thank you for all your past posts, the insight into the med student world, and the special touch and emotion you bring to your writing. Look after yourself!!

  5. Sounds like the right decision for you, but I'll miss your posts.

    I hope you find your passion again!

  6. Shame to see you go. I was just going to check in and update you on my specialty search. Alas, alack, anon. -TS